Are trios doomed?

Feeling triggered by Kate (Leslie Bibb), Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan), and Laurie’s friendship dynamic in The White Lotus? You’re not the only one. Season 3 takes us to Thailand with a new boat of doomed vacationers – including a trio of women who seem to have an unshakable bond. But with every glass of wine, their friendship starts to unravel. Soon enough, as one leaves the group, the others begin to gossip.

Sure, The White Lotus is more extreme than real-life scenarios, but it does make you wonder if there’s some truth to the saying: Three’s a crowd. Are all trios doomed to fail, or can we make threesomes work?

Why do trio friendships often struggle?

Friendship expert Shari Leid says, “It’s perfect when it works, but tricky when it doesn’t. Life is built for pairs – duos, couples, and neatly arranged seats on Disney rides designed for two. By default, in a trio, someone often ends up feeling like they’re in the back seat.”

There’s a natural dynamic shift that can make trios challenging. Unlike one-on-one friendships, where the bond is equally distributed, a trio can often create an imbalance. Clinical psychologist Cameron Sepah, PhD, explains, “Usually, two become best friends, and the third is left out or outnumbered in group decisions. With three, two can more easily gossip behind the third when the third is absent, causing insecurity and distrust.”

And we’ve seen it time and time again – not just in pop culture but in real life. Whether it’s childhood best friends, a group of work colleagues, or even sisters, three is often the magic number… until it’s not.

Can trio friendships ever work?

Despite the challenges, not all trios are doomed. Some three-way friendships thrive, but it takes effort and intentionality. Here are some secrets to making it work:

1. Avoid forming alliances: The easiest way to destroy a trio is by letting two members become closer and alienating the third. Keep all communication open and ensure everyone feels equally included.
2. Rotate one-on-one time: Spend time with each friend individually to strengthen the one-on-one bond within the trio. This prevents two from ganging up on the other.
3. Address issues head-on: If someone feels left out, acknowledge it rather than letting resentment build. A simple check-in can prevent a bigger fallout.
4. Create shared traditions: Having rituals like a weekly meet-up or a group chat where everyone contributes equally helps foster a sense of unity.
5. Be mindful of gossip: The easiest way to break trust is by talking behind someone’s back. If there’s a conflict, address it directly instead of through side conversations.