When you lean into pleasing people, you are squashing your confidence, your self-esteem and your values. Serve people, love people but don’t be a people pleaser.
Recently in USA’s popular morning show ‘TODAY’, Hoda the co-anchor of the show mentioned that her child chose the same ice- cream flavour her friend had, despite typically not enjoying it, explaining to Reese Witherspoon that she worries moments like that could suggest people-pleasing tendencies.
Reese Witherspoon, the Legally Blonde movie star, responded to Hoda mentioning that she shouldn’t worry too much about thinking her child has people pleasing tendencies. “They’re trying to assimilate and trying to fit in, and they will grow out of it. They do! They become individuals by the things that you tell them every day. “Reese said.
Sometimes people-pleasing tendencies come from small moments and from moments when you are still young, however adults still struggle with it too. There is a great difference between serving people and being a people pleaser. People-pleasing is a trap we don’t want you to fall into.
We share tips on how not to fall for this muddy trap:
1. Know who you are. When you know who you are and what you stand for, you won’t find yourself being swayed by anything that is presented to you. For example, if you know you stand for class, anything that is presented to you not as that, you simply know it is not for you.
2. Prioritise your needs and wants. Your needs matter first before anything. Don’t extend yourself so much in such a way that it leaves you drained and incapable of finding joy and peace. Don’t follow the wants of other people when truly, it isn’t what you want.
3. Get comfortable saying yes to the things you actually want, and no to the things you don’t want. Agreeing to do something that doesn’t align with your values only cause you to deprive your soul and spirit’s actual needs.
4. Speak up when you want to say something. Having your voice heard over things that are constructive, improving and that relieves you for the good is great. You are not only getting your point across, but you are helping someone by the point you are raising and standing up for someone. Don’t be afraid.
5. Put time limits and stops when helping people. This even extends to listening. Sometimes you converse in negative conversations that only leave you drained and unproductive, so wind up from them, and know when enough is enough. Energy is contagious, be careful of what you allow to conquer your space. Knowing when to shove off from a conversation or a gathering is very vital.
Be nice, but don’t be a people pleaser.