Home Milou's Column YES! Size matters
Milou's Column

YES! Size matters

307

By Milou Staub

We have all gone through them. Dates gone (terribly) wrong. And if you’re married to your first date, snaps for you! But here, we’re about sharing experiences. Not male bashing. Welcome to the first of many of my dating stories.

Dear Self,

Remember that guy with the puppy picture? I mean, come on, using a dog photo is practically cheating, right? Anyway, he’s into nature, cooking, sports, hanging out, travelling and the whole enchilada, just like me. Exciting to think about the adventures we could have together, KACHIN!

So, naturally, I dived headfirst into our first date with my classic Aries impulsiveness. Didn’t bother with reading his bio or doing some social media stalking. Act now, think later, you know?

Oh boy, let me tell you about that disaster of a first date. It was one of those last-minute decisions, him in town on a Friday night, me with a friend nearby. So, we decided to meet up down the road from where I was. My friend and I marched up to the place, my dreams and hopes of meeting Prince Charming soaring high!

As we approached the bar, I immediately recognised his face, but what about the rest of him? He was like a mini version of himself, so ridiculously short! It all happened so quickly: the dude grabbed me and twirled me around in a circle like a scene straight out of an ‘80s rom-com. OMG, I nearly died! Thankfully, my mate and I practically share the same brain. We locked eyes and sprinted down the road as far as our legs would take us. We stopped and laughed and laughed and laughed about what a giant b*tch I was for ditching this mini dude within the first 10 seconds of our date. I just couldn’t go through with it. My shallow self took complete control, and I’m guilty as charged.

Yes, I confess, I’m Miss Vain on this one. I simply couldn’t bring myself to explain that Shorty and I would never be a match. All my dreams and hopes shattered with the realisation that I had painted a movie in my head starring that handsome-looking man. Unfortunately, I belong to the brigade of women who say ‘no-no’ to super tall or super short men.

I know, I know, I made peace with the fact I’ll probably burn in hell for dropping him like a fly on a busy Friday night street. I’m fully blaming society for the social expectations I’ve been brainwashed by, but I’m also taking total personal responsibility for my unacceptable behaviour. My action without a doubt hurt someone’s feelings and I should have faced reality and come clean. But hey, you only live once, right? Who has time to be civil in this harsh dating world?!

Most people give up reading after the first paragraph, so if you’ve made it this far to the end, Congra- tu-la-tions people. I’m proud of your curiosity and commitment to allowing me to entertain you with my dating stories.


You’re welcome. IB

NOTE TO SELF:
BEFORE AGREEING TO MEET IN
PERSON, LET’S ADD ‘WHAT’S YOUR
HEIGHT?’ TO THE LIST OF PRE-DATE
QUESTIONS. IT’S CALLED “SETTING
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS” NOT
“SURPRISE PACKAGE DELIVERY”
LOLZ!

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